House Dreams and Zillow Addictions

I have a horrible addiction.  It takes up so much of my time.  Sometimes I'm so distracted with it that I don't even hear my husband ask me questions....

It's....Zillow! *chime the DUN DUN DUNNNNNN music*

The hubby and I are pretty sure that we're going to be settling here for the foreseeable future, so we feel like it is fairly safe to consider a home purchase.  We've figured out our budget (determined not by a bank, but by how much we're willing to pay into a mortgage every month) and we've actually looked at two houses.  My current landlord is a realtor, as is his brother.  We've mostly been dealing with his brother to look at the houses.

As prepared and responsible as we are, we're still stuck here for a little while longer.  We didn't have a whole lot of money saved up for a down payment--we generally have enough if it is a Fannie Mae foreclosure or if we were going to do an FHA loan--but if we want to put more down (and conventional loans require a little more down), then we've gotta save up more.  It sucks because we fell in love with the second house, but it makes the best financial sense to save up for a slightly larger down payment to secure a conventional loan.  We have just enough for the down payment--but we'd have absolutely no savings left once we did that and ordered an independent home inspection.  With a baby and the uncertainties of life, having no savings left is just too scary to take that chance.  It's also easy to get so caught up in the excitement that you forget how expensive it can be to move, even when you are only moving five or six miles away.  We'd have to rent a small U-Haul, and get all of our services transferred to the new house (flipping switches or programming new addresses into the computers at these places seems to cost anywhere from $30-60 a pop).

I will gush a little about the house.  It's funny because a lot of people wouldn't like it (and that's what we're counting on--we hope it doesn't sell until we are in a better position to buy it).  First, the  bad stuff that we're hoping will keep it on the market a while: the kitchen is outdated, with older appliances (and I'm not talking appliances that aren't stainless steel, I'm talking some pretty crazy old appliances), vinyl or linoleum flooring, and laminate countertops. There are hardwoods in the foyer and dining room, but carpet in the living room (though the carpet there is in decent shape).  All rooms but the bathrooms are carpeted upstairs, and those carpets are in dire need of replacing--they're stained and in most cases, they do not match (like they replaced the hall carpet, but none of the bedrooms, etc.).  The upstairs ceilings are popcorn-tastic.

So why would we want such a house? The kitchen has a lot of cabinets and a great island, plus two pantries. The cabinets are wood, and could easily be updated by changing out the hardware.  The kitchen space is phenomenal, and exactly what I want.

The formal dining room has dental molding, and plenty of space, plus lots of natural light.  The living room has a fireplace (though it is a wood-burning fireplace, which can be messy--but still).  There is a screened porch off the back of the house, and the yard is massive, and has a storage shed.  There is a two-car garage and plenty of space at the back of the garage for added storage and organization.

Upstairs, the story gets even better--the laundry is in the upstairs hall, and it has a bank of upper wall cabinets for storage.  The hall also boasts a nice linen closet and a walk-in closet!  The master bedroom is a great size, as is the master bath--and the walk-in closet off the master bedroom is massive and already has organizers built in.  The other two bedrooms are of a good size and both have great closets.  The bathroom that serves the other two bedrooms has a double vanity, and is more spacious than the one bathroom we have in our rental. There is attic storage, accessed from a pull-down ladder built into the ceiling.

Finally, there is a bonus room that is a great size--it would be perfect to serve as our TV/videogaming room, and it would still have space for our desktop computer and our exercise equipment.

Can you tell I'm in love?  We don't mind the bad features, though another thing that stays our hand is that we'd want to replace the carpets upstairs and fence the backyard for the dogs--both things that take a bit of money--and if we don't wait, we won't have the money to do that. We don't mind waiting on all the other things, but those are two that we'd really prefer to be able to do right away. Odds are, this house will sell before we're ready to buy it, and I keep telling myself that another will come that might be even better. In the spring, I think a lot more houses will be put up on the market, so our selection will improve, as well.

But I still really like this house, and it will hurt when I see the "For Sale" status on Zillow change to "Pending" and then finally..."Sold".

Musings on Freedom of Speech

My Facebook feed is infected with tons of shared articles and people taking a stand for or against Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathey's stance against gay marriage. I have a lot of conservative friends (how can I not? I'm from East Texas for goodness' sake), and some of them go back and forth or just say they support the message, yadda yadda yadda.  I'm remaining quiet (there) because I don't feel like fighting with anyone, though no one would be surprised that I of course do not support that stance: I think homosexuals should be allowed to marry and have all the rights enjoyed by heterosexuals.  What is so surprising and so baffling to me, though, is that even my conservative friends don't seem to understand that Dan Cathey probably wouldn't approve of most of their ideas of family--hell, most of them wouldn't qualify to operate one of his restaurants, given his requirements! Whatever do I mean? Well, look at what he said:

"We are very much supportive of the family -- the biblical definition of the family unit," Cathy said. "We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that." http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/01/us/chick-fil-a-appreciation/index.html

Here's the thing: most Americans wouldn't fit that definition--I'm zeroing in on the whole "we are married to our first wives" statement.  I think that under such a definition (let's assume he probably means families in which the children are born to couples married before the child is born and in which the couple remains married, and neither spouse is on their second or third marriage after divorcing, etc.), many of the people who are happily munching on their Chick-fil-A waffle fries to supposedly defend their beliefs in the immorality of gay marriage don't realize that their beliefs probably aren't shared by Dan Cathey.  Just think of your own friends and acquaintances--how many are divorced? How many had a child out of wedlock? How many had premarital sex or lived with someone before they married?  Like so many things, people focus so much on one of the consequences of a particular belief system that they don't extrapolate the belief system to see the others: that the person who sounds like he is your ally in one arena is likely going to be judging you in another. 

How can most Americans claim to even understand such a notion as the so-called "traditional" definition of marriage?  So many of us have never experienced it, or have seen it self-combust in our own families.  So many of us were brought up in a hodge-podge of blended families and aunts who are still called aunts but who are no longer really married to uncles and so on.  We still talk to our former mother-in-laws and we're Facebook friends with our ex-husband's new wife and sometimes we even celebrate our holidays together. We've been recreating the idea of family for so many years that we don't even recognize when it isn't traditional anymore. And you know what? It's fine.

Another thing that baffles me is that people seem to confuse freedom of speech with freedom from the consequences of exercising freedom of speech. They are not the same thing.  I agree that Cathey has a right to exercise his freedom of speech and to spout his anti-gay message and to put his money into supporting anti-gay causes.  But no one should expect those who don't agree with his message to continue supporting him.  That isn't what freedom of speech guarantees.  He can't be arrested or prosecuted for the things he says, but there's nothing that guarantees his protection from negative press or other types of fallout for voicing his beliefs.  Just as anyone else, when possible, I try to keep my money from going to causes and projects with which I disagree--in a nation in which we have to live together and supply the government with some money for the common good, I know that sometimes I have to support things I otherwise wouldn't (money for wars, costs for prisons to continue death row operations, etc.).  But I'll be damned if I'll knowingly feed money to someone who is actively trying to prevent others from enjoying civil rights I believe they deserve. 

The fact that in most states, it is illegal for a significant segment of the population of consenting adults to marry the person they love seems in opposition to the freedom that our nation is supposed to offer.  I think that so many simply suffer from a lack of imagination: they do not bother to put themselves in the shoes of homosexuals, and to really and truly consider the notion that a law-abiding, tax-paying person could be barred from marrying the person they truly love, who is another human adult who just happens to be of the same sex.  Is it so difficult to imagine a world in which it is absolutely illegal for you to marry the person with whom you are in love?  Legalizing same-sex marriage will not automatically usher in a host of other types of marriages--there's no good reason to think that it is grounds for allowing human-animal marriages, pedophilia, or even multiple spouses.  There are very good reasons for barring those other types of relationships that do not apply to marriages between same-sex partners.

In any case, that is my rant.  I've hidden it out here, where hardly anyone comes, but it is nice to have it out there anyway.  

 

What's New?

So I have been a bit silent here--and that's not unusual.  I get really busy, and between my other blogs it is sometimes hard to find time to gather my thoughts enough to write something here.  Besides, my life isn't exactly a er...gripping read. Most of my time these days is spent telling my daughter "stop it" and "no" and "don't stand on that--you'll break your neck." 

In the time I've been gone, at least two big things have happened.  I turned thirty and my daughter turned one!  I took stock of my status in life at thirty and for the most part, things are pretty nice: loving husband, adorable daughter, no debt, stable job with benefits, actively pursuing another career path that promises to be intellectually stimulating, and I'm still writing my silly stories and planning to write them in a more serious manner at some point.  There are, however, a few stormclouds that cannot be ignored--father with cancer, family and many close friends who live very far away, and that perpetual feeling that there just isn't enough time in the day, and possibly not enough time in a life. 

On the whole, I know I am a very lucky individual.  I try to focus on that instead of on the things that aren't working out to make a perfect life for me--compared to the majority of people, anything I'm suffering is laughably minor.  If I can't do anything about the stormclouds, then I just hope that soon, the weather in that area of my life will change for the better.  You don't cancel the picnic when there's only a ten percent chance of rain.

New haircut...

So I got a new haircut.  It's short again, which is much more in keeping with my lifestyle and personality.  I took the following picture to a local place that has cosmetology students (have I mentioned that I'm super reluctant to spend much on my hair? In other words, I'm cheap?):

Unfortunately, I got something that wasn't quite that haircut.  It wasn't really bad...but it wasn't what I'd wanted.  The silhouette was completely wrong--too long in the back and on the sides and too short at the top.  After pointing to the picture several times and saying, "Make it look like that" I finally just told the poor cosmetology student that it looked great and I paid and left.  I went home, hoping it would magically look like what I'd wanted, and of course it didn't.  I thought, "Maybe it will look better with razored ends or something".  And then I looked up how to do that, and I did it myself!

I know, I know--you're thinking that's taking a ridiculous risk--but here was my reasoning:

1. I wasn't very happy with it the way it was.
2. If I messed it up, I would just go to a different salon and get them to fix it.
3. If it worked, then that would save me time and money!

Here was the result of my efforts:

 

Trust me--it looks a lot closer to what I wanted than what I had when I came home.  I'm pretty happy with the results.  It probably looks crazy from certain angles, but so far I can't really find anything that seems too out of place.  I'm considering putting in some highlights, too......

 

So Smug...

So I think I'm in one of those moods in which I take exception to just about everything.  I'm pretty sure I am, because I've been arguing with my mother-in-law for several days about an article I posted on Facebook, and I keep seeing people I generally like posting things that irritate me.  It's difficult to deal with these moods without ruining friendships, so I'll bask in the secluded nature of this corner and vent a little.

I'm going to talk about smugness.  It happens to the best of us.  I love the movie Bridget Jones's Diary (and the book), and the scene when she's dealing with smug married people is always a little painful.  I hate that she flounders and doesn't feel confident or whole in a group of paired-off people.  And until I had a baby, I didn't have any idea that there was a whole other group of people--the smug childless people.  For any parent, you know the ones I'm talking about.  Whenever you are obviously happy or excited about your child, they are the ones who generally bring back the conversation to how much sleep you are not getting or how stinky the diapers are.

I wonder if the reaction they have is because they think parents are smug? Maybe some parents are.  I don't know.  I rarely feel smug about my parenthood--most of the time I feel like I'm blundering about like an idiot.  In any case, here's an observation: if your primary arguments against having children are that you don't want to deal with diapers or with a lack of sleep, then obviously you shouldn't have children.  Obviously.  In fact, you probably shouldn't have a pet, either.  Those produce waste that often has to be picked up or taken away, they get sick, and on occasion they keep you up at night, too. 

Look--there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have a child. I once felt that way, too! But here's the big difference--I didn't act like a smug asshole about it.  I didn't gloat about my childless, simpler existence to my parent friends.  And I didn't act like they were objects of pity all the time, either, or like they ceased to exist as people and simply became these entities that existed only for their children, EVEN if they talked about their children a lot. If I'm misremembering and I did that to anyone, I authorize you to tell me that I did, and I will apologize to you--because it's SO annoying to be treated that way.

I have a young child, and I don't get as much sleep as I once did, that's true--but so what?  Sleep is nice, but having my baby is a lot better.  Even in the midst of waking up in the middle of the night because she's rolling around and kicking me in the back, I look at her in complete wonder because I can't believe that I was able to produce something so absolutely beautiful and amazing. I'm content to watch her sleep because she is endlessly fascinating to me.  I love her more than just about anything else in this world.  In the face of feeling something like that, an uninterrupted night's sleep, in comparison, is overrated.

Baby Steps

Losing the baby weight is hard, my friends.  Ever since I seriously began trying, I've lost about ten pounds, and that was a great feeling--a lot of momentum that was achieved mostly by adjusting my eating habits.  Now that momentum has stalled and I'm at the point where I need to start exercising to keep the weight loss going. 

When I'm very good, I'm doing some weight training once a week with a friend on Sunday mornings.  We haven't been able to keep this up regularly and we've missed for the last month at least due to various things--illnesses and life stuff just elbowing it aside.  In the past two or three weeks, I've been trying to work out during the week, too.  I've been hula-hooping and jump-roping, usually for sessions that total no more than thirty minutes. It's not much, but it's fun and for someone as out of shape as I am, it's plenty challenging. I'm trying to master the art of walking forwards and backwards while hula-hooping, which is surprisingly difficult to do.  People do some amazing things with hula hoops--if I get any good and learn some of the cool tricks I'll have Michael record me one day.  

Pioneer Woman Pork Chops

So tonight I made one of the most delicious meals I have ever made. It is all thanks to this recipe from The Pioneer Woman. You know you want to see the pictures.

First, my husband drank a glass of wine (the same I used to cook the dish) while I cooked.  I thought this was fair, since he had to corral a very fussy baby to give me time to prepare this delicious feast.

 

And after a little while, this was the result:

 

Aaaaand another just to capture the sheer deliciousity (no, it's not a word--at least, not one that spell check recognizes...):

 

I'm actually not the biggest fan of pork chops--but it turns out that I'm just not a fan of pork chops that aren't covered in a garlic wine sauce. Yum, yum, yum. 

Reviving this Blog

I'm reviving this blog because I find that I need a place to talk about things that don't really fit on the blog about my baby, nor do they fit well...anywhere else, really.  It feels a little self-indulgent...but I'm going to do it anyway.

I'm going to do a quick run-through of all the things I've been thinking about/doing lately that I've felt compelled to write about:

1. My father was diagnosed with a rather aggressive and rare form of cancer late last year. He's fighting very hard every day, and he has a lot of fighting left to do--but I firmly believe that he can do it.
2. My mother, who works in a prison, was made a sergeant.  She hasn't worked there very long, but she has already accomplished so much, and I am very proud of her for that.
3. I will start taking classes this summer at the local community college to get my postbaccalaureate diploma in paralegal studies.  While I do like my current job and my coworkers, I am not sure that I can see myself doing this sort of work for the rest of my life.  I think that in the right setting, a position as a paralegal would be well-suited to my temperament and strengths, and I think it is also important in this particular economy to make yourself marketable in many areas, if possible.
4. I have started a "diet" that is more of a lifestyle change--I eat like a French woman, which is to say, I watch my portions, eat three full meals a day, and I don't pay attention to things like calories or whether something is whole-wheat or whatever. It's awesome, and has resulted in a slow but steady weight loss for me (I need to lose my baby weight).
5. I write stuff.  I know that you're thinking, "Of course you do--I'm reading the blog you wrote" but what I mean to say is that I write fiction.  I write stuff that other people read, and I have a really hard time letting people I know in real life (which is an absurd distinction, because my online writer friends are people I know in real life--they just aren't physically present) read this stuff.  I'm going to write a post about it someday, but if you ever stumble across my stuff and you aren't one of my many online friends who are already reading my stuff--don't talk to me about it. I can't talk to you about it. Not yet. 
6. I had the weirdest dream last night which featured a horrific mishap with a very strange steam-powered machine that sliced, buttered, and toasted french bread in mass quantities.  When I say horrific mishap, I mean that the machine somehow exploded, causing a person to be thrown out the kitchen window and burned with machine shrapnel all at the same time. I have absolutely no idea why I would have such a dream. 
7. This week I'm making this recipe, and I plan to blog about how it turns out.

OK, so that should do it for now!